The other day, I wore my skinny jeans. For several hours, no less.
Now, I'm not talking about the "skinny cut" jeans, which are essentially denim leggings with zippers at the waist. (Speaking of that, ankle zippers on jeans are now coming back? Cringe.) I'm referring to the pair of jeans I bought without trying on, in a cloud of denial and size optimism, only to discover that they were too small and were subsequently relegated to the back of the closet. 5 years ago.
The fact that I can 1) button and zip them without resorting to the laying-on-the-bed technique and 2) wear them with some modicum of comfort for several hours is extremely encouraging. It ranks up there with the most encouraging things to keep up with weight loss, ever. It will still be some time before I'm comfortable wearing them in public, but it's a start, a step in the right direction. The past couple of weeks have been full of these encouragements, big and small, so here's my list of the ones I particularly love.
1. Hearing, "Have you lost weight?" This is particularly wonderful when it is followed by, "Well, it really shows" and/or, "I noticed it a while ago and have been meaning to ask." Hearing all three sentences together is a high better than chocolate decadence. (Well, maybe not quite, but you know what I mean.)
2. Fitting into long-shelved clothes. Now, this can have a downside -- you finally fit into/back into something but it's no longer even remotely in style. Fortunately, jeans are pretty forgiving in style, since you can find just about every cut at any given time. The rest of my closet is full of fairly traditional items. The only things I have to really watch out for are tapered leg slacks. But, knowing I can walk into my closet and wearing anything in there and know it won't just fit but look good is a great thing.
3. Pictures. When I'm off gigging, cameras are prevalent. So many pictures of me on Facebook are candid shots from gigs, and many of them are simply hideous. There's one of me doing my make-up and I, in concert black, look like the Michelin man in mourning with my ample rolls. It gives new meaning to the term "spare tire." Last week was another gig week for me, though, and the pics that have gone up are encouraging. Even *I* can see the weight loss. One candid pic that I saw coming was taken from what I was sure was going to be a horrid angle, but I was pleasantly surprised when I saw the pic.
4. Concert heels. At last week's gig, I wore heels. We stand for 75 minutes, give or take, on stone floors while performing. Even though I'd run around my college jobs in heels all the time, I rarely did concerts in heels. At work, I'd be sitting most of the time, not on my feet for an extended period other than to conduct or lecture. Concerts can be brutal, though. The heels I wore aren't the most comfortable ones in the world but they aren't inherently uncomfortable. And I did fine. I credit having 30 or 40 less pounds on my poor feet. Being a shoe diva, this has me all a-twitter.
For some people, these might be little things. I'm choosing to not advertise my weight loss on Facebook because I crave some of these reactions from people I see periodically. My goals are set around trips. By the time I return to Florida in mid-March, I want to pack those skinny jeans and be able to wear them all day with whatever shirt I choose -- not one that is flowy or blousy to hide a muffin or mushroom top. I have a dress that I love that now fits again but is not public-appearance-ready. I want to pack that, too. I have other gigs, other goals, but one huge one: there is a person, a good friend, who I won't see until late September. We won't have seen each other since December 2009. There was chemistry, but I ended up being "The Friend." You know how that works, ladies. My huge goal?
Make him eat his heart out.