Last night I blogged about re-entering, this time "for real," the dating scene. Around 1:00 or so today the site I'm using fixed it's technical glitch and I was able to finish retaking my questionnaire and get back to checking out my "matches." And was reminded of that one lousy thing that comes with dating: rejection.
You're probably saying, "But you haven't even been on the site for 24 or 48 hours, what do you mean, rejection?" There was one match that I was intrigued by, so I sent him the "first stage of communication," which is 5 multiple-choice questions of my choosing. His response was to archive me instead of answer. Translated: he's not interested. I didn't even find a record of him viewing my profile. I was a bit surprised to find out how much that stung.
So I licked my wounds and revamped my profile (which I was going to do anyway). I read up on some of the site's advice articles and reassessed my perspective. Although I'm a progressive woman, I do have some deep older-fashioned tenets about dating. For example, I hate making the first move, and I need to get over that. The first move is equally scary for guys as it is for girls. Yeah, according to the site 9 guys checked out my profile over the past 24 hours, and none of them decided to message me.
At least, not yet.
Blind optimism? Perhaps. But I prefer to think of it as an adjusted perspective. I checked out probably 30 profiles yesterday, and messaged only one guy. It wasn't because he was the only one I was interested in, not by far. Some of the others I just didn't have the guts to message. But I'm showing up on their profile page as having viewed their profile -- and not messaging. For all I know, some of the 9 who viewed my profile may be feeling the same way about me. It isn't that they aren't interested. It just takes a certain leap of faith to make that first step.
Fortunately this site has a feature that is sort of "first half step." Rather than just jumping into the questions, you can send an "ice breaker." This is a one-line message, like, "Your profile made me smile." Or, "Just wanted to say hi!" So I bit the bullet and sent out a few of those. After all, the advice articles encourage us to communicate with as many matches as we can.
Now, granted, there were a few that I pretty much automatically archived. A 39 y.o. guy who lists Mountain Dew and Pizza as two of the "5 Things He Can't Live Without" isn't really my type, no matter how our personality profiles match up. And I have to be honest, I have to be physically/visually attracted to a guy. Maybe this is shallow of me, but it is who I am, plain and simple. So, a couple guys got sent to the archive files because, well, they weren't pretty enough. And I'm sure I've been sent to a few archive files as well for the same criterion. Welcome to dating!
So from here on out, I just have to have a thicker skin. No response? You decide to archive me? Fine, you weren't the one, apparently! And I have to have faith in a great article I read on CNN a few months ago. It was written by a fabulous and beautiful single woman, and addressed the, "How Come You Aren't Married?" question that I have heard more than once. After all, according to my friends, I'm beautiful! I'm a great cook! I'm a wonderful person, so caring and sweet! I totally "get" relationships! I'm a great catch! The answer the author had was, "Because I haven't met the right one yet." She didn't mean it in a picky sort of way, but a practical one. We live in a busy, hectic society. Bars and nightclubs and church aren't necessarily the places to meet people anymore. Online dating gives us the flexibility to find out that "Mr. Right" lives a few blocks away, and we've discovered this because we were online at 2 a.m. -- when it was convenient for us -- and not because we just happened to be at the same place at the same time.
Now, I just have to quit obsessively checking the website. I think that will be easier when it isn't my day off... right?