Where Has the Time Gone?

Wow. I logged into Blogspot to post on my other, work-related, blog and saw that I hadn't blogged here in almost 2 months. Where, just where, has the time gone?

Weight loss update: I'm now somewhere around 60 pounds lost. I actually did not gain any weight over Thanksgiving, which must be some miracle in and of itself. I did gain about 2 pounds the week prior because I was sick with a bad cold and took the adage, "Starve a fever, feed a cold" a little too seriously! One of my trainers/instructors at the gym said something interesting she'd gotten from a training seminar last weekend: that fat actually expands some before it goes away. Like, as the fat cells start to break down what is inside them, they actually get a little bigger before getting smaller. Whether or not it is true, we don't know.

I have noticed a few additional shape changes that I'm happy with, and in general I'm down to size 1X (or, at one store, the weirdly named 0X) and 16W pants/skirts/dresses. I haven't been this small since I was in high school. Now I don't want to brag, but how many women in their mid-30s can say that?

However... the insecurities still remain... the "fat girl" brain if you will. Just today when I laid out the pair of Old Navy size 16 jeans I'm wearing, I looked at them and this voice in my head said, "Really? You think you can fit into those? I don't think so!" Then I put them on and went out the door.

Speaking of insecurities, that brings us to the other topic I've recently starting covering in my blog: dating. In the last installment, I was bemoaning the reminder of how it sucks to be rejected. Here is where my "social life," if you will, stands at the moment.

I've had a couple more communication requests from guys on this dating website. And I viewed their profiles and chose to not respond. 600 points of compatibility, or whatever, but I didn't feel a connection. Seriously, they should take the advice given by the website and put up a thorough, complete profile. If you're paying that kind of money to try to meet someone, you should take the time and answer all the questions completely and thoughtfully.

Then last week I got another communication. I wasn't terribly optimistic, but I logged in and checked out this guys profile. Cue immediate intrigue. I definitely liked what I saw and read. And HE had made the first "move." Good start! We went through communication phase 1, and liked each other's answers enough to go to step 2. Now step 2 is where you send a list of 10 "Must Haves" and "Can't Stands." Frankly, I don't like this step because it seems like too much of an ultimatum too early on. (Also, it's been at this step where I've been shot down, so maybe I'm just gun-shy.) Apparently he could tolerate my list, and I approved of his, so we went on to step 3, which is open-ended questions. Well, open-ended to the tune of 1000 characters. And that's where things got... weird.

In his answers to my questions he diverged from the actual question (fine) to tell me he was no longer a paying member, he was taking advantage of free communication (fine) and he hadn't seen my pictures. Here I wish I could put in two sound effects: the sound of a record needle being scratched over a record, and that obnoxious insecure voice screaming insults. I had built myself up, thinking "here's a guy that I think is attractive, both in writing and in pictures. He seems to think the same of me, maybe a few extra pounds isn't a big deal to him!" only to find out he may not realize I'm still carrying a "few extra pounds." Or, as I prefer to say, am "voluptuous."

He DID give me his email address. That's a plus. I have to remember that, at the very least, he likes what he's read in my profile and answers. And my profile does say that over the past year I've lost 55+ pounds. So now I'm in twitterpation limbo. I don't know if he's gotten my answers to HIS open-ended questions -- which includes MY email address. I don't know if he's read that although I'm the size I was in high school, I'm still "voluptuous" and that's discouraged him or scared him off. I'm almost 35 and acting like a teen-aged girl, saying, "Omigod he's SO cute! Do you think he LIKES me?!?!"

Do we ever outgrow that phase? Please tell me yes!!

So now, dear readers... if you have any advice: how long should I wait to see if he emails, should I just get over my stupid insecurities and email him, etc., please send him along.....

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